by Molly Johnson and Feiya Wang, opinions writers
photo by Gianna Burgess
Although the first 6100s bathroom, conveniently located just past the fork of the two wings, is relatively approachable, the inside is quite disappointing. Paint chips and hair strands decorate the walls while faded gray streaks and the occasional profane drawing leave haunting reminders of graffiti that once enveloped the bathroom. On the positive side, two wads of gum in the window corner provide a pop of color against the otherwise-drab last stall.
Contrary to the other appliances in this bathroom, the dryer is exceptional. This amenity makes the 6100s bathroom a great alternative to the second 6100s bathroom, located closer to the breezeway. I was unable to complete a full review of that particular lavatory because it smells atrocious. In addition to the stench, the first sink faucet is ripped clean off. Upstairs, a musky scent of B.O. permeates the beige walls of the 6200s bathroom.
Chipped and mismatched tiles litter the walls, giving the sense of an abstract work of art, but the bathroom partially redeems itself as the only bathroom with tampons that I reviewed.
Highest ranked of all, the 1000s bathrooms check all of our boxes. All three floors of bathrooms far outshine those in other areas of the school, with their new appliances and spacious stalls. Compared to the 6000s, the 1000s bathrooms are paradise — I would even consider camping on the floor.
The 1300s bathroom’s prime location, as the only option on the third floor, boosts its appeal (especially given my knee problems). The multiple stalls aid the slow-moving lines in between blocks. Although the toilet paper, soap and pads have fortunately been refilled as of recent, supply is always uncertain. Hand washing instructions are well placed above the sink so you have no excuse for bringing your germs back to class.
Speaking from experience, the shorter sinks in all of the 1000s bathrooms are greatly appreciated by the vertically challenged. Inside the stalls, I can look past the graffitied eye captioned, “I’m watching you” in the 1300s’ to find refuge during classes — when the lines diminish, the quiet, calming atmosphere provides much needed stress relief (or bowel relief).
A clean marble doorstep welcomes you into the 4100s bathroom. However, the heavy door is an immediate turn away: if it was any heavier, I might have peed myself before reaching the toilet. Compared to other bathrooms, both of the 4000s bathrooms are a little small, but if the three-minute walk to the temptingly spacious 1100s bathroom is too long a wait, find consolation in the proficient lighting and door hooks just a heavy push away.
The air vent, on the other hand, is unsightly, with more hairballs than an overused rug. Our extensive research made clear two common attributes of the school bathroom sinks: large clumps of hair and room-temperature water. Directly overhead, the 4200s bathroom, while incomparable to the 6100s bathroom, smells terrible. However, the walls are clean, and the leaves pressed against the window add a taste of nature to the space. Crumbs dust the toilet, meaning either someone had a snack or things got messy.
Speaking of messes, the 4200s bathroom is one of many bathrooms littered with empty food packaging. Maybe it’s just me, but the bathroom is the last place I’d open up my all-you-can-eat buffet.
Girls’ locker room bathroom
Another highly rated bathroom — the girls’ locker room bathroom — is well furnished with five stalls and four sinks. The only immediately visible downside is the characteristic sink hair. The entire bathroom is very roomy (they say size doesn’t matter, but when it comes to bathrooms, the bigger the better) and well laid out.
Inside the stalls, the only drawback is the lack of door hooks. Seeing as many students change for sports in these bathrooms, a clean place to put an open bag is absolutely necessary. The toilets are of impeccably high quality and I was unable to clog them, no matter how hard I tried. Outside of the stalls, the dryer farthest from the entrance does not work, but because there are two, the dryer problem is not detrimental to the quality of the bathroom. The functional one is perfect for ruining the conversations of others socializing in the vicinity.
Another defining feature of this bathroom is the showers. I have never met a single person who has used school locker room showers. And I don’t blame them, because they barely work and are overflowing with filth.
Despite frequently being locked, the entrance to the 9100s bathroom is lovely. As soon as you walk in, you are greeted by your own reflection in the mirrors that fill the vast expanse of wall over the sinks. The sinks are shorter than average, but the fantastic water pressure compensates for any flaws. The number of stalls packed into this bathroom amazes me. It was too many to count on one hand, so I just gave up.
However, the floor wrappers are almost as bad as the 5000s (which — along with the large hole between the last two stalls — was my only qualm with that bathroom). The gender neutral bathrooms above (9200s) were first and foremost private and peaceful. They’re a little out of the way because no one likes walking, but useful if you’re in the 9200s or looking for a comfortable, accepting place.
The lighting adds to the ambiance, but the splattered toilet seat might ruin the mood. While peeing on the seat is excusable, leaving it as a little gift for the next toilet user is not only shameful, but morally wrong, especially when pairing it with the unflushed addition kindly placed inside of the bowl.
All jokes aside, we ask a lot of our incredible custodial staff who do an amazing job cleaning our school. I am in no way criticizing them — students created all the messes described in this article — and we should all put in the effort to make their work easier. In the woods, we say take only pictures and leave only footprints; in the South bathrooms, we take only dumps and leave only toilet paper (please flush).