Today’s Roaroscope


Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb.18)

FYI, your computer screen selects in your blue light lenses. We all know you were streaming March madness during class.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Thank you for testing our patience by walking as slow as possible in the hallways.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Treat yourself to a couple hours staring at a small screen after a long day of staring at a medium-sized screen.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

You’re locked out of the Wheeler entrance. Have fun awkwardly waiting for a teacher to let you in.

Gemini (May 21- June 20)

Your outfit popped off today, and you know it. You’ve been staring at your own reflection on Zoom for the past 20 minutes.

Cancer (June 21- July 22)

Take a break from your busy day and admire the contemporary art found in the 6000s bathrooms.

Leo (July 23- Aug. 22)

You ran out of good masks, but don’t worry! There is no shame in wearing an old one your mom made from a sock last year.

Virgo (Aug. 23- Sept. 22)

Somehow you’ve already been bitten from head to toe by mosquitos… in April. It’ll only get worse from here.

Libra (Sept. 23- Oct. 22)

The pungent school hand sanitizer also doubles as a cologne.

Scorpio (Oct. 23- Nov. 21)

Follow your dreams! If they don’t come true, you can always complain to your guidance counselor.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22- Dec. 21)

You lost your cohort card – have fun explaining that to the teachers at the entrance.

Capricorn (Dec. 22- Jan. 19)

You’re that one kid in class who always has their camera on.